[Parents may be able to relax and tolerate more openness when they sense you seem strong and no longer need to win their attention or approval.]
More books in the klog.
[Parents may be able to relax and tolerate more openness when they sense you seem strong and no longer need to win their attention or approval.]
[It's like they have a phobia of snakes and your openness and emotional connectivity are a bucket of slithery snakes.]
[Settle into a detached observational state by counting your breaths slowly, or tensing and relaxing your muscles in sequence.]
[Instead of associating them with a binary state, observe as a scientist: what words describe their facial expression? what is their body language communicating? does their voice sound calm or tense? how do they respond when you try to relate? what do you feel?]
[Getting emotional is a sign that your healing fantasy has been activated. The feeling of distress and weakness is a signal to shift into observation mode: repeat to yourself 'detach, detach, detach' and try to find the exact words to describe the experience, which can be what they're doing or how you're feeling.]
[Relatedness has no objective of a satisfying emotional exchange.]
[Internalizers don't act out their emotions immediately and instead let them foster and intensify.]
[The idea that one day they will change is a healing fantasy, created by a child's mind and not adapted to adult reality.]
[Children of emotionally immature parents create a role-self that transforms into what the parent wants them to be.]
[The role-self has no energy of its own and needs to steal from true self. It is insecure because it's made-up and afraid of being revealed as an imposter.]
[Healing fantasy of people being there for me. Role-self of being available.]
[Anger is a normal response to abandonment, and we can experience it even when feeling unseen or unheard.]
[Enmeshment is different from emotional intimacy. The former implies fulfilling roles that re-inforce dependency whereas the latter implies building trust through getting to know each other and mutual acceptance.]
[Parental rejection can result in the child lacking confidence that others can be interested in them. Instead of asking for what they want, they avoid interacting out of fear to burden someone else.]
[The need and desire for deep connection is not merely human, but genetic, coming from evolutionary imperative to be part of the group for survival.]
[Dismissively saying that one didn't mean it is a way to egocentrically focus on the intention as opposed to the negative impact of bad actions.]
[Not knowing who you are or not being given space to explore it is like having puzzle pieces that don't fit together, which results in inconsistency.]
[Inconsistency can maladaptively bond the parent and child because the once in a while there is a reward.]
[With a mature parent, the child simply goes to the parent for affectionate connection. If the parent is afraid of deep connection, the child might feel uneasy or shameful.]
[Emotional intimacy exists when the other person seeks to know you moreso than to judge you.]
[Community growth isn't about management but developing leaders.]
[If one of your hand-raisers isn't ready to lead yet, let them do something small in scope to help build reflexes and experience.]
[Map out leaders' journeys from development to growth so that you can supercharge their activities: prepare to give them the right support at the right moment.]
[Anticipate their difficulties: offer training if they have fears about first-time hosting; provide templates if they're worried it takes long to make presentations; organize resources in one place if they spend time looking for supporting documents.]
[Reach out to organizers to ask where the road bumps are.]
[Create together. Build together.]
[Give people tools to create their own badges and self-expression.]
[Avoid meticulously specifying everything. Help along rituals that emerge. Help everyone reflect on what they accomplished.]
[Instead of pushing out, pull in: work with your members to collectively send an authentic signal about what your community is about.]
[Tell an origin story that describes your personal journey (self), the collective journey (us), what people can do to get involved (now), plus 'why now?'.]
[Communicate your origin story wherever possible, online and offline, to inspire people to action.]
[Nudge members into inviting others by communicating how their involvement is important to the community's success. Make it easy for them by giving them the shareable assets. How can we make it easier for them to do it on their own terms?]
[The leader of Downtown Girls Basketball takes a cool team photo at half-time, including even the new people and those who need to leave early, and offers to send it to anyone interested. Nearly everyone wanted it and many posted it to their social media.]
[Wield your spotlight by seeking stories from exceptional members and then sharing them widely to inspire others to join the fun.]
[Carve out ways for other people to share their perspective, contribute, participate. Do it together.]
[We decided to use a Facebook group over a page because it would allow old, new, and potential customers could talk to each other.]
[Structure is not enough, you need to actively prompt or provoke dialogue.]
[Create affordances for different levels of expertise: analog people, quick learners who are less technical, power users, programmers.]
[Including an additional, more advanced toolset that is beyond the capacity of most users can help cultivate a community of more complex customizations enabled by local developers and programmers.]
[Enable users with varying skill levels to collaborate as a way to completely express more complex ideas.]
[Spreadsheets integrate text and graphics by organizing textual programs or formulas into the tabular grid of visual cells.]
[Spreadsheets pre-name variables according to their position on the grid.]
[End-user programming languages are more motivating to learn when they are task-oriented: instead of making available only smaller primitives, provide higher-level abstractions that actually do complete jobs.]
[Spreadsheets are approachable not because most people know how to add and subtract, but because that's what accountants and business people do.]
[Go beyond 'easy to use' and prioritize early success within a few hours of use to increase motivation.]
[Avoid 'having to know everything to do anything']
[Spreadsheets obviate the need for control structures or variable names.]
[Conversational language is a poor medium of HCI because computers lack the context that we constantly refer to, as well as the ability to interpret context to derive meaning.]
[Deterministic outcomes from a computer and so prefer formal languages because conversation is naturally open-ended and not specific.]
[End users are not 'casual' or 'naive': they are scientists, librarians, teachers, architects, and people that want to make serious use of computers without becoming professional programmers.]
[When you enter an area with birds, insects, or animals, they are listening to you completely as it may mean the difference between survival and death. You are received.]
[Context, like location and the people present, is what defines how a story is told: the same story can vary based on the audience. Social media like Twitter collapses context to the point where the more successful actors are generic.]
[As opposed to friends and family that see a person growing and changing over time, the social media crowd sees a monolithic and timeless figure who is expected to never change their mind.]
[Contrast Mark Zuckerberg's 'two identities is a lack of integrity' with Audrey Lorde's 'multiple selves']
[Online censorship exists without governmental intervention through flooding the stream with banalities that distracts from serious issues.]
[Online discourse creates weak ties: physical dimensions of time and space enable stronger connections and dialogues.]
Anger will get you started but it won't keep you going.
[Various questions that you pose while knowing your environment are all trying to answer: where and when am I, and how do I know that?]
[Algorithms recommend friends based on instrumental qualities like shared interests, common purchases or friends. Geographic proximity places us near people we have no apparent instrumental reason for connecting with, and sometimes they are neither family, or friends, or potential friends.]
[Expansions of attention are hard to reverse: when something goes from idea to reality, perception cannot easily be forced back into a smaller container.]
['Be yourself' in language of advertising and marketing means 'be more of the consistent and recognizable habits and drives that are easy to target and appropriate'.]
[If you were reading a book where the pages progressively became more and more similar until you were reading the same page repeatedly, you would probably put the book down.]
['Alone in nature' is an oxymoron.]
[When thinking about where ideas come from, the constraints of English force the phrase "I" "produced" an "idea". But none of those entities are stable with clear boundaries and the grammatical relationship between them is misleading.]
[Cognition is not the functional output of an input world with an input mind, but rather the enactment of a world and mind.]
[Going through life not knowing the names of our surrounding plants and animals is like being lost in a foreign city where we can't read the street signs. We become isolated and lonely without being able to call out to our neighbors.]
Linnaeus lends Nanabozho his magnifying glass so he can see the tiny floral parts. Nanabozho gives Linnaeus a song so he can see their spirits. And neither of them are lonely.
[Referring to things as inanimate objects closes the door to the possibility of them interacting and engaging with us, teaching us.]
[She looked at what was left of Mount St. Helens and commented in English, "Poor thing", expressing sympathy and concern for the well-being of another person, which she didn't have to explain because of the particular way of perceiving the world embedded in her native language.]
[The species had co-evolved with indigenous harvesting practices, which itself evolved to increase the success of the plant.]
[Chris J. Cuomo critiques the animal rights based on sentience because it assumes that lifeforms are valuable insofar as they resemble humans.]
[Bioregional borders are permeable and impossible to define.]
Difference must not be merely tolerated, but seen as a fund of necessary polarities between which our creativity can spark like a dialectic.
[Communities in the attention economy feel like industrial farms, where we are supposed to grow straight an tall, side by side, producing faithfully without touching. There is no time to reach out and form horizontally networks of attention and support.]
[Bioregionalism and acts of attention can help break the individualism that prevents seeing how we are integrated with the planet and other living beings without boundaries.]
If something is boring after two minutes, try if for four. If still boring, then eight. Then sixteen. Then thirty-two. Eventually one discovers that it is not boring at all.
[Attention is a state that assumes there is something new to be seen and that resists the tendency to declare observation finished.]
[What passes for sustained attention is actually a series of successive attempts to bring attention back to the same thing.]
[Watching your assumptions like waiting with a net to catch a dragonfly.]
"Ethical persuasion" means persuading the user to do something that is good for them, using "harmonious designs that continuously empower us instead of distracting and frustrating us"
[Most persuasive design, whether nefarious or 'empowering', assumes a shallow form of attention.]
[Experience is what we agree to attend to. At first I chose certain things to look at, and over time more and more actors appeared in my reality: after birds, there were trees, then different kinds of trees, then the bugs that lived in them. I began to notice animal communities, plant communities, animal-plant communities. I began to build a map of my attention that included more-than-human communities, noticing things that I had walked by past most of my life. This is bioregionalism.]