3 entries for Sunday, June 30, 2024

[In some Canadian provinces, probating a will essentially makes it public. One workaround is to use a trust, which is often a private document.]

[For the first year, avoid taking complicated decisions (especially when you’re brain is foggy) and just mourn.]

[Trusts can own assets when passed to them by the settlor, and beneficiaries can be classes of definable people or entities (for example, grandchildren not yet born).]

[Those over 65 can create Alter Ego Trusts in place of a will to distribute assets with more privacy, and transfer some assets into a trust without taxation events.]

[Advisors you might deal with include: bankers, investment advisors, estate planners, insurance advisors, lawyers, and accountants. The last two must be fiduciaries (obliged to act in your interest under risk of legal proceedings or loss of license.)]

[Ask progressively squirm-causing questions, about their 1) qualifications and if they’re regulated by an organization; 2) experience in years; 3) services and how often you’ll meet; 4) licenses to handles specific asset types (like stocks, bonds, etc…); 5) errors and omissions insurance; 6) their team if any to be wary of rookies thrown in later; 7) fees and payment structure; 8) sales quota this week; 9) understanding of fiduciary and if they are one (they must answer this correctly); 10) audited track record of selecting investments; a) answers in writing on company letterhead.]

[Writing a will is unselfish because it mostly benefits your loved ones as opposed to you.]

[Update your will when someone turns 18, gets married or divorced, or if you move to another state or buy real estate. Check it every five years.]

Do not say, “Call me if you need anything,” because your friend will not call. Not because they do not need, but because identifying a need, figuring out who might fill that need, and then making a phone call to ask is light years beyond their energy levels, capacity or interest. Instead, make concrete offers: “I will be there at 4:00 p.m. on Thursday to bring your recycling to the curb,” or “I will stop by each morning on my way to work and give the dog a quick walk.” Be reliable.

To the new griever, the influx of people who want to show their support can be seriously overwhelming. What is an intensely personal and private time can begin to feel like living in a fish bowl. There might be ways you can shield and shelter your friend by setting yourself up as the designated point person-the one who relays information to the outside world, or organizes well-wishers. Gatekeepers are really helpful.