Can you use a hammer without injuring yourself? Give Habitat for Humanity a call. Are you a budgeting ninja? Call Boys and Girls Club and offer to teach young men and women to budget. Do your friends tell you that you talk too much? Go to a retirement home and talk with people who have long been forgotten.
[God Speed is three miles per hour. Jesus didn’t take a chariot to get there faster.]
[Can worrying add even a single hour to your life?]
[Bring some cookies to your neighbour for no reason other than they might need to smile today.]
[I didn’t give her a tip or make her famous, just told her I loved her voice.]
[The point of leaving the flock to go after the lost sheep isn’t to bring them back, but to let them know they’re loved.]
[Journalism has a chance to present culture in a psychological order that helps us orient, but often submits to promotional calendars resulting in bestseller lists and cinema charts, as if popularity would be the most useful factor in making decisions.]
[Choosing of what we wish to be informed requires knowing ourselves well enough to not selectively ignore what we need; perhaps it’s a position that could be prepared for with therapy.]
[Political news could draw us into how our society works and equip us to improve it intelligently. Word news could humanize foreign cultures and add context beyond dramatic events to help break us from fixating too locally. Economic news could go beyond standard figures to instill understanong of the human realities behind our goods. Celebrity news could be refocused on people from who we can learn how to be better and realize our own talents. Disaster news could help us feel grateful for every pain-free moment. Consumer news could point us to what can help us live a more fulfilling existence.]
[As humans evolved from a time where not much would change, where when something that did might be important or deadly, we need to readjust our perceptions to clarify that what is novel is not always important.]
[We most desperately avoid introspection when forming awkward but vital ideas, and that’s when the news grabs us.]
[Not everything we need to round ourselves out can be found in the present; for some perspectives we will need to look to the past for ideas that will still be in our thoughts tomorrow.]
[Children, wildlife, and heavenly expanse of the galaxies can give us relief from the news-induced self absorption that our time and moment is the most important.]
Art is a tool to help us with a number of psychological frailties which we would otherwise have trouble handling: our inability to understand ourselves, to laugh sagely at our faults, to empathize with and forgive others, to accept the inevitability of suffering without falling prey to a sense of persecution, to remain tolerably hopeful, to appreciate the beauty of the everyday and to prepare adequately for death.
[‘Dining, Travel, Technology, Fashion’ headings can be renamed to ‘Conviviality, Calm, Resistance, Rationality’ as those are what we seek to acquire from our consumption in those domains.]
[The powerful in Europe often decorated their rooms with a human skull, positioned in a way to get their attention, so that they might be reminded of death and refocused on more important considerations in life. The bad news of our day can function as the modern version of those skulls.]
[Hearing about a plane crash that doesn’t affect anyone we know can still transform us into a panicked relative or air accident investigator: we want to research details and receive regular updates (which media organizations will happily use for their purposes]
[Societies where everyone wants to be famous also fail to prove that being ordinary will make you feel respected adequate for basic dignity.]
[If celebrities have become so as a response to emotional needs not being met during their formative years, a child wanting to become famous can be a useful gauge to how well the parenting is going]
As it currently exists, foreign reporting implicitly defers to the priorities of the state and of business, occupying itself almost exclusively with events which touch on military, commercial or humanitarian concerns. Foreign news wants to tell us with whom and where we should fight, trade or sympathize[, but] these three areas of interest really aren’t priorities for the majority of us.
[We might not find Italian politics interesting if we’re living in a different country, yet it’s conceivable to watch a two hour Shakespearean play about Julius Caesar. This is because underneath stories that may have a different reality to ours in the specific, there lies the universals which transcend those gaps. The news might not write like Shakespeare, but would do well to pay attention to these universals.]
A journalistic gaffe is something a powerful person inadvertently says or does in a momentary lapse which (as everyone knows) in no way reflects their considered views and yet which the news seizes upon and refuses to let go of, insisting that the gaffe must be an indicator of a deep and shameful truth.
We should at least be somewhat suspicious of the way that news sources, which otherwise expend considerable energy advertising their originality and independence of mind, seem so often to be in complete agreement on the momentous question of what happened today.
the news cruelly exploits our weak hold on a sense of perspective.
having perspective involves an ability to compare an apparently traumatic event in the present with the experiences of humanity across the whole of its history – in order to work out what level of attention and fear it should fairly demand.
With perspective in mind, we soon realize that – contrary to what the news suggests –hardly anything is totally novel, few things are truly amazing and very little is absolutely terrible.
As currently structured, the news does not ‘see’ the property developer who condemns thousands of people to live in humiliating environments but who nevertheless breaks no laws and steals no money. The most assiduous reporter concerned with fraud won’t be able to put a finger on anyone criminally responsible for the commercial messages that subtly erode the dignity and intelligence of public life or find anyone who can be arrested for a decline in politeness or respect between the sexes.
[Religions take a pedagogical approach in conveying what is considered to be important, and the news could learn from this.]
The status quo could confidently remain forever undisturbed by a flood of, rather than a ban on, news.
The news knows how to render its own mechanics almost invisible and therefore hard to question. It speaks to us in a natural unaccented voice, without reference to its own assumption-laden perspective. It fails to disclose that it does not merely report on the world, but is instead constantly at work crafting a new planet in our minds in line with its own often highly distinctive priorities.
[Many people avoid writing wills because they don’t feel ready to pass on yet, but the universe doesn’t care and the government already has one written for you with a higher tax rate.]
[The power of writing down “what occurs to you” can be helpful for gaining clarity.]
[Even if “you’re gone when you’re gone” and don’t care what happens to your stuff, it’s wise to make a power of attorney.]
[In some Canadian provinces, probating a will essentially makes it public. One workaround is to use a trust, which is often a private document.]
[For the first year, avoid taking complicated decisions (especially when you’re brain is foggy) and just mourn.]
[Trusts can own assets when passed to them by the settlor, and beneficiaries can be classes of definable people or entities (for example, grandchildren not yet born).]
[Those over 65 can create Alter Ego Trusts in place of a will to distribute assets with more privacy, and transfer some assets into a trust without taxation events.]
[Advisors you might deal with include: bankers, investment advisors, estate planners, insurance advisors, lawyers, and accountants. The last two must be fiduciaries (obliged to act in your interest under risk of legal proceedings or loss of license.)]
[Ask progressively squirm-causing questions, about their 1) qualifications and if they’re regulated by an organization; 2) experience in years; 3) services and how often you’ll meet; 4) licenses to handles specific asset types (like stocks, bonds, etc…); 5) errors and omissions insurance; 6) their team if any to be wary of rookies thrown in later; 7) fees and payment structure; 8) sales quota this week; 9) understanding of fiduciary and if they are one (they must answer this correctly); 10) audited track record of selecting investments; a) answers in writing on company letterhead.]
[Writing a will is unselfish because it mostly benefits your loved ones as opposed to you.]
[Update your will when someone turns 18, gets married or divorced, or if you move to another state or buy real estate. Check it every five years.]
Do not say, “Call me if you need anything,” because your friend will not call. Not because they do not need, but because identifying a need, figuring out who might fill that need, and then making a phone call to ask is light years beyond their energy levels, capacity or interest. Instead, make concrete offers: “I will be there at 4:00 p.m. on Thursday to bring your recycling to the curb,” or “I will stop by each morning on my way to work and give the dog a quick walk.” Be reliable.
To the new griever, the influx of people who want to show their support can be seriously overwhelming. What is an intensely personal and private time can begin to feel like living in a fish bowl. There might be ways you can shield and shelter your friend by setting yourself up as the designated point person-the one who relays information to the outside world, or organizes well-wishers. Gatekeepers are really helpful.
My tragedy is not contagious; you will not catch your children’s death from me. I know you don’t know what to say. I wouldn’t have a few months ago, either. A little advice? Don’t platitude me. Do not start any sentences with the phrase “at least,” for you will then witness my miraculous transformation into Grief Warrior.
On the page, everything is allowed. Everything has a voice.