76 entries tagged "relate"

The Roads to Ruining Thanksgiving….

[Eat an elephant one bite at a time, starting with the youngest.]

Is this something we have to agree on?

[Avoid getting into a heated argument by 1) asking if this is something we need to agree on, as often it’s not the case; 2) pulling the brake of “well, maybe so” to acknowledge it’s possible they’re right, sometimes all they wanted to hear; 3) lowering your voice and slowing down your words if they do the opposite.]

push the eject button

[Politely end a conversation by: 1) acknowledging you need to interrupt; 2) moving to another room (like the bathroom); and 3) cuing an end with “thanks for sharing”.]

for the unwanted table talk

[Pass over unwanted conversation by saying 1) “that subject isn’t for me”, as with food you don’t eat; 2) “good to know” and “that’s interesting”, to acknowledge without agreeing; and 3) “I typically avoid this discussion”, to communicate it’s not singling them out. Nobody can force you to talk about anything you don’t want to talk about.]

don’t feed the complaint, funnel it out.

[Complaints generally mask a larger underlying issue. Help them to get it all out by saying ’tell me more’ and repeating until they’re empty. Then guide them towards a solution with phrases like “How do you resolve this?”, “What’s the answer?”, “How do you usually handle this?”, “How have you addressed this in the past?”]

The more I pay attention to observations or notice where my attention is, the less effort it takes to have something to say.

Birds Aren’t Real? How a Conspiracy Takes Flight

[The crisis of belief can only be addressed after the crisis of belonging.]

Conflict is potential

[Reacting reduces potential in a conflict.]

[Presenting multiple perspectives of an argument says nothing nor does it engage with reason.]

[The underlying motive of proving one’s experience as correct is to resist relationship with the other side.]

[Stereotypes and dogma confuse us into thinking there needs to be a winning side.]

[Focus on feelings, sensations, experiences over judgement.]

What Great Listeners Actually Do - A Visual Guide

[A good listener bounces ideas like a trampoline rather than absorbing like a sponge.]

[Good listeners: 1) ask questions that promote discovery and insight; 2) cultivate spaces to promote self-esteem; 3) challenge or disagree cooperatively, without making others defensive; 4) suggest open alternative paths in the conversation.]

[Levels of listening: 1) create a discussion environment safely; 2) remove distractions; 3) understand the substance and clarify or confirm with questions; 4) observe nonverbal cues, which may make up 80% of the conversation; 5) empathize with emotions about the topic; 6) gently encourage and help them to see the issue in another light.]

Daryl Davis on Reforming Over 200 ‘Ku Klux Klan’ Members - by Befriending Them

[Five core universal values underlie human interaction: to be loved, respected, heard, treated fair, and to want the same for one’s family.]

[Treating neo-Nazism as a culture without justifying it enables you to approach the people as with any other culture.]

[Avoid focusing on destruction, hate, or fear as they are symptoms. The root cause of ignorance, cured through education and exposure, will get symptoms under control.]

[How to be offended by insults from someone who doesn’t know you? They have no credibility.]

[Allow people time and space to marinate with ideas, avoid impatience. Even if they don’t like you, they might give you a return visit, and that’s what you want. Don’t destroy your credibility by lying.]

[Find and build upon the commonalities.]

[The voice of possibility doesn’t need to immediately decide whether something is true, and can accept contradictory arguments simultaneously.]

[Propose to ‘disagree and commit’ when nobody will have the ideal information anyway, especially if reversible. Try to recognize misalignment and correct quickly.]

[Leader seek to have strong judgment and good instincts. They incorporate diverse perspectives and work to disconfirm their beliefs.]

[When resolving conflict, the voice of power uses force, the voice of reason uses systems, and the voice of avoidance uses inaction. The voice of possibility tries to make conflict productive instead, by facilitating learning, curiosity, understanding.]

[Depersonalize points of view so that people feel free to try out other ones. Plot them on a quadrant of agreement against potential to change.]

no matter how platforms may persuade us otherwise, there is no ‘undo send’ or ‘delete message’ in human communication, we can only add context to what has been expressed

[Arguments are an indication of something important, not necessarily bad. It’s normal for them to come back like weeds. Not dealing with them to ‘avoid rocking the boat’ can create anxiousness underlying everything.]

[Try to determine whether it’s about being true, meaningful, or useful.]

Critique, The Internet, and You

[Offer critique only when you understand: 1) is it for you?; 2) under what conditions was it created?; 3) who is your audience? 4) what are your goals?. Important not to misalign by simply sharing whether you ’like’ it, or by complaining that “your seafood is bad because I don’t like seafood”.]

So you have to do a layoff.

[Do it only once, not in multiple rounds. Consider salary reductions instead (also only once), accompanied by lower labor expectations. Be very direct without trying to lighten the mood. Management signed up for this.]

Injuries we experience are a reminder of what strangers may be carrying when they avoid things, and how we can be more mindful or compassionate when confronted with people who seem like or say that “they can’t”.

To rather be helpful than right.