[When someone always criticizes you: 1) ask if was meant for you or if they just wanted to hear it out loud; 2) ask “how am I supposed to do that?” to tease out whether they have actually thought about it practically; and 3) confirm that “what I’m hearing is…” to clarify if there’s anything constructive.]
“I will pelt you to death with marshmallows” is not very credible, though it might conceivably be done if one had a great many marshmallows.
Seek wisdom, humanity, relational existence, cooperation over competition, and you won’t find much in startups and business.
quick tips for difficult conversations
[Have a difficult conversation by: 1) avoiding small talk or “how are you?” and starting with “thanks for making the time to speak with me”; 2) state that you need help with what to do or feel about the subject; and 3) finish by sharing that you feel settled or like the direction, and then ask “how about you?”]
Phenology, Time and Synchronization
[Befriending a bird, the news spreads to other animals.]
[We refer to plants in English as “whats” and “its”, implying an object, rather than “whos”, implying living beings.]
What would it mean to speak a language thousands of years older than English?
Only on #Mastodon do I see people judging others being on #Substack and #X, seemingly implying that they are better humans for not being on it.
Purist reductions of any platform and the people there to it’s worst policy is lazy; it’s harder and more meaningful to actually help.
[When someone’s lying to you: 1. tell them you need to come back to the conversation (and walk away); 2. say “something feels off”; 3. simply wait, as it makes dishonesty uncomfortable.]
If you want to study the economy, consider studying anthropology, sociology, geography, law, politics, psychology, and even biology and physics
If you want to study a very narrow method for analysing very narrow aspects of the economy, consider studying economics, maths & stats
The Poor Can’t Afford the Benefits of Monogamy, and the Rich Don’t Need Them
Non-monogamy is generally cringe not because multiple people are consensually involved, but rather because relatively privileged people have dumped their neuroses and misguided aspirations for a “free” or authentic life
The people documented in our study kept households together, raised each other’s children, stayed together for lifetimes, aided each other’s work and stayed by each other during war, illness, death and grief. Much of this is the sort of relationship style I get to experience daily, too, living with my partners and my cats and I am both grateful and hardly special for it. There are lots of people like me. We are, of course, also doing a social reproduction, making the world over and over again, just slightly differently. We are generally using different relationship style and thus socio-cultural technology in a way that is responsive to the precarity of neoliberalism—not liberated from it, because we have of course not escaped material and historical trends. But though we cannot escape these trends we can counter some of their isolating or libertarian effects, and so live in a less individualist, more communal and fairly committed way.
ask: if two parents good, perhaps three parents better? Perhaps motherhood communes better? Perhaps parenting with friends better?
[Add pauses around your verbs to appear more controlled in your speaking.]
I’ve been to the Hackerspace Wiki before to find local places while travelling. I didn’t know they had hackerspace apps listing, software wishlists.
Their design patterns library includes The Community Pattern:
set up a mailing list, a wiki, and an IRC channel. You will need all three. Think about a platform for discussion, storage for documentation and real-time communication.
[You need at least two people to start an idea and two more to get work done. It’s easy to recruit once you have four people, and best to get started with ten.]
[Infrastructure first or projects first? By making everything infrastructure-driven, people will come up with contributions you would have never thought about.]
A simple habit to let luck find you
I’ve made one [Mutually Beneficial Introduction] per day for 10+ years.
[Once both people opt-in, take thirty seconds to write with details that can’t be found by searching online. Try this regularly.]
Imagine every thought and action as sound that raises the loudness measured on a ‘sound meter’, then practice less activity to let the volume level drop as low and long as possible.
communication is a proxy for care. If the person doesn’t communicate, they don’t care.
how to respond to passive aggression
[Respond to passive aggressiveness by: 1. clarifying if that was ‘meant to be helpful or hurtful’?; 2. stating when you observe negative tone even when they claim to mean it positively; and 3. acknowledging that it’s okay to not be okay and communicate that it’s a safe space.]
[Confidence is like a shrug: “Okay, no problem.”]
[Welcome:
- Does everyone feel invited to participate?
- Does the space guarantee users a safe experience?
- Does the space encourage the humanization of others?
- Can people express themselves without compromising their identity and data?
Connect:
- Does the space cultivate a sense of belonging?
- Does the space encourage fruitful connections between groups that aren’t naturally alike?
- Does the space strengthen emotional, structural, and participative ties to geographically local communities?
- Does the space make it possible for people to be heard by those in positions of power?
Understand:
- Does the space allow for shared concerns to be raised for broad attention by society at large?
- Is the information being elevated and shared reliable, factual, and true?
- Does the space build civic competence and encourage democratic participation?
- Does the space promote thoughtful conversation and room for respectful disagreements?
Act:
- Does this space boost a community’s resilience in the face of significant stress or adversity?
- Does this space facilitate our ability to participate in each others’ lives and shape society?]
[Handle insults by: 1) Adding silence or continuing as if it doesn’t affect you; 2) if a stranger, asking for their name, then asking to repeat what they said; 3) if someone you know, saying maybe they’re right and checking in if they’re feeling okay.]
We’re not saying what we’re saying, we’re saying what we’re not saying.
Kevin Komisaruk, American-Canadian Keyboard Musician
messaging that bombards us daily: fear and compliance are the new virtues to signal and will ensure our survival.
I also wonder how they process the contradiction of seeing our society celebrate those who disrupted history with peace and compassion, while persecuting those trying to do the same today.