[Writing a will is unselfish because it mostly benefits your loved ones as opposed to you.]

[Update your will when someone turns 18, gets married or divorced, or if you move to another state or buy real estate. Check it every five years.]

Do not say, “Call me if you need anything,” because your friend will not call. Not because they do not need, but because identifying a need, figuring out who might fill that need, and then making a phone call to ask is light years beyond their energy levels, capacity or interest. Instead, make concrete offers: “I will be there at 4:00 p.m. on Thursday to bring your recycling to the curb,” or “I will stop by each morning on my way to work and give the dog a quick walk.” Be reliable.

To the new griever, the influx of people who want to show their support can be seriously overwhelming. What is an intensely personal and private time can begin to feel like living in a fish bowl. There might be ways you can shield and shelter your friend by setting yourself up as the designated point person-the one who relays information to the outside world, or organizes well-wishers. Gatekeepers are really helpful.

[Compare something unfamiliar with the familiar can nudge us toward taking care for our safety.]

My tragedy is not contagious; you will not catch your children’s death from me. I know you don’t know what to say. I wouldn’t have a few months ago, either. A little advice? Don’t platitude me. Do not start any sentences with the phrase “at least,” for you will then witness my miraculous transformation into Grief Warrior.

On the page, everything is allowed. Everything has a voice.

Leftovers are the requisite variety I need to feel comfortable cooking at home, so I should consider it the goal instead of avoiding it like an efficiency issue.

When someone you love dies, you don’t just lose them in the present or in the past. You lose the future you should have had, and might have had, with them. They are missing from all the life that was to be. Seeing other people get married, have kids, travel-all the things you expected out of life with your person-gone. Seeing other children go to kindergarten, or graduate, or get married—all those things your child should have done, had they lived. Your kids never get to know their brilliant uncle; your friend never gets to read your finished book.

A day (or more) inside a blanket fort of your own choosing is healthy.

[Being kind to yourself means not letting your own mind beat you up.]

[Early grief is liminal: we are no longer who we were and not yet solidified into something new—everything is in flux.]

[Anxiety can be overwhelming as there’s no shortage of potential disasters. You can trust yourself.]

Caramelized Onion Pasta

Ingredients

• 5 small onions, sliced
• 1 head garlic, bottom sliced off
• ½ cup sun dried tomatoes, chopped
• 1 tbsp paprika
• 1 tsp dried parsley
• 1 tsp salt
• 1 tsp black pepper
• ½ cup coconut milk
• 3 cups farfalle pasta, cooked
• 1 handful fresh parsley, chopped
• 1 handful fresh basil, chopped
• 1 lemon, juiced

Method

• Preheat the oven to 400°F. Put the onions, tomatoes, and spices in a casserole dish, then toss together. Place the garlic head in the center and drizzle with oil. Cover with foil and bake for an hour or until the onions are caramelized, tossing halfway through.
• Before the the onions are done, prepare the pasta and reserve a cup of the water.
• Remove the garlic from the casserole dish, squeeze out the cloves when safe, and mix together with the fresh herbs, lemon juice, coconut milk, pasta, and pasta water as needed.

[Grief also involves mourning your old life.]

If we were compatible, we’d know exactly what the other person meant all the time, right?

[Language is primarily for internal use to construct our own worldviews, rather than a tool for communication with others.]

in it, but not of it

Fishbowl

[An unconference gathering structure with chairs in the middle of the audience where anyone can sit to speak but it requires another person in the center to leave; one chair left empty invites new people to join anytime.]

Neologisms

Hospice Mode: The stage your when your phone / fitness tracker / laptop is in its final months and you’re just prolonging its death through a series of coping techniques. Carrying around extra battery packs. Patiently giving it 10 minutes to restart. Resetting the system at regular intervals.

Manel: Panel made up entirely of men. Usually honouring work done entirely by other men.

Pinkering: Named for Steven Pinker - a common phenomenon among do-gooder elites who cite the long arc of human history in order to downplay and minimise any immediate suffering.

Privacy Veganism: Unnecessarily shaming people who aren’t willing to delete their Facebook account when it’s a functional necessity in their social context

If it’s obvious to you, it’s for someone else.

Mailbag #2

[You can avoid keeping up with news directly by listening to podcasts that might give a sense of important issues indirectly.]

One Pot Pony

A lazy person’s guide to delicious meal prep

This is the power of Combinatorial Cooking. From a seemingly limited set of base ingredients, there is a whole universe of food options you can prepare quickly and easily.

The wok lets you boil, saute, stir-fry, and simmer. The spaghetti spoon lets you stir, mix, scrape, and mash. They’re both incredibly versatile and easy to clean. It’s all you need to make any Combinatorial Cooking recipe. Plus, using a wok makes you look and feel like a real chef, that’s just science.

About Feeds

[Friendly explainer and guide to getting started with RSS feeds.]

Untools

Thinking tools and frameworks to help you solve problems, make decisions and understand systems.

Open Source Is a Restaurant

Open Source is a restaurant. At a restaurant, you eat your meal first, and then you are expected to pay for it. Yes, we could dine and dash. But we don’t. When presented with a tab for a meal we have just eaten, we pay the tab.

Asymmetry might be a synonym for power.